A Reprieve from Myself

I spent something like three hours reading web comics right before I wrote the last post. Then I exerted myself as hard as I could. Ugh. I am exhausted. I collapsed. I'm trying to hard. I give up. As if I've got any choice. I feel so weak, I need rest more than anything. I fall down into God's grace. He's got every single molecule contained in His plan.

I don't want to beat myself, but I really am ridiculous. I'm so slow to learn. I'm so forgetful. The lessons I've been taught in grace are so immutable. Huge. God has demonstrated His love so many times in ways that are nothing short of miraculous. And yet, I continue to fall on my own understanding. I repent. I surrender. My thought only serves to suppress my hope. Yeah, people are gonna say,"You're just excusing yourself from the responsibilities of life. You are a coward and an ignorant one at that." That is exactly what I'm doing and saying. My only hope is to abandon my attempts, and turn to God with all my heart.

I've been criticized for saying things like that, because people think I'm denying man's free will. Not true. I'm only concluding that all my will needs to be turned to God directly. Not trying to love God through any sort of action, but seeking Him in a personal, real, direct communication. I believe that all the goodness that tends to cloud my thoughts will occur as naturally as breathing if I pursue this connection with God through Jesus. Talking to God like a lover. Any other pursuit is a wasted effort fueled by human pride. Even in this pursuit, it feels more like a submission. God's pursuit of me is infinitely greater than any attempts of mine to receive Him.

I know this is radical and extreme. It's necessary. I feel so free. Join me if you dare.

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