I'm married now! The honeymoon phase is still under way. I think it is doubly good because we went through the post-honeymoon-have-a-dose-of-real-life phase already. Phew. Just looking at her makes me weak.
We rode our bicycles 650 miles together before we got married. We unleashed some serious rage on one another. We struggled against the elemental hurdles of life in vast array. The tiredness, the dullness, the frustration and the blaming. We had a deep taste of the harder side of life. Yes, I know, things will get harder. There are always new challenges. But we have seen the Lord carry us through things that should have ruined our relationship, and these trials have bred in us a deeper faith still in Him.
We both felt the will of God was that we get married. We didn't have a lot of support. Mostly raised eyebrows are what we got. From within and without we felt fears and doubt pecking at us periodically. Our parents were supportive.
I've been wounded deeply by the things that have happened in response to my honesty. I have shown that I am who I am, and tried to be transparent. Many people in my life have responded with replies that I am not qualified for the post of "husband". The question resounds violently in my mind. Am I qualified? Am I cut out for the task at hand?
I am not.
Luckily, this is not a problem. My master, Jesus Christ is the one who qualifies me. I step forward into this role and do not fear for the outcome because He has called me to it and though I don't have all the necessary tools to be a husband (or even know what will be required) I trust in the one who does.
That is all I need for anything in this life.
It's funny that I am married now and all my life has changed drastically since even the last post. I am in place I've never been before. I scarcely recognize the face in the mirror these days. And yet I am still the same, because my life is Christ. My destination, the Way, the Truth and the Life are still the same, though the road has become unfamiliar to me.
I had many hopes riding on marriage. I was nursing some fantasy that once I got married it would be the magic spell that would let me relax. Hah. Hah.
I'm am strangely the same as I was before I took my bride. I am glad for it. I realized that I had so much riding on marriage, and now all that hope has been forced to Christ. I think the let down hit me about three weeks before the wedding. Then I trudge toward with this fear that the actual event would be a huge let down. When the day arrived I stepped up to the plate with a resolve. I was ready for marriage because I had to finally put to rest my expectations and I could take whatever it would throw at me in the steadfast love of Jesus. I won't say that it was easy or fun to die to my expectations, but it was good.
I've suffered much from writing honestly and speaking honestly to the people that are in my life, but I have gained much and have been given the assurance the Spirit in me will help me stand in faith in Jesus Christ alone and no good work of my own. What people will say about me is not my concern. I serve God, not men. Humility and meekness are for me a freedom from being judged and ruined by every wayward opinion.
I haven't had a lot of support in the decision to get married. But I have had affirmation from God. Though it may seem foolish, even to me at times, I count the guiding of the Holy Spirit something precious. I want to be serving Him and obedient to Him when the whole world says I'm a lunatic. To know that I could and would stand firm in the Lord even if I stand alone is what I want. To know that I will.
With that I rest my case.