...seems to be the question.
I reread a bunch of my old post from back when. I was striving really hard to distill some chunk of wisdom into a piece of coherent writing. I wanted every one to capture the essence of the wisdom I thought I had. Looking back over what I wrote and then comparing my life to the ideas I was expressing at the time, I see a big disconnect. I was compensating for the this enormous lack of understanding I felt within by writing all these massive discourses of thought about how my life ought to be.
I realize now that the wisdom that I sought after was not the kind of thing that I could capture in writing. At least not in a direct sense. The forward approach of capturing God through writing is not very effective, actually quite the contrary. But, to say is can't be done is not my intention either.
I see now that the only means to expose God through any creative medium is to fellowship with Jesus. I'm still shaky on how to translate the relationship into a communicable form. It seems that I have to lose all other things to find him, or at least loosen my grip on them so much that it seems to me I will lose them. Then...well, frankly I don't know what happens next. I will find out now.