My favorite person said "The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak." I'm finding how true that is. All the same, it doesn't matter. God is strong.
I feel so weak and peaceful. The pain of dieing is real. We can stave it temporarily with physical sustainance and distraction but the fact of this leaking system is inevitable. To embrace that death and find God's power perfected in it is the greatest blessing of my life.
Consuming the flesh and drinking the blood of Christ is the food that sustains me. I sate all my shameful desires in his body. I bring the hungry soul and he offers himself to feed it.
I'm fasting for 40 or so days. Initially I loved how it shocked people when I told them, but now I see it only as a testament to God's strength. What I aspire to do is seriously impossible for me. I find that the hunger that I feel in my gut can be transfered to the flesh and blood of Jesus, as easily as asking for it. And it sustains me. It's totally insane!
I love being able to say this and mean it: I love you, Lord!