I WRITE WHAT I WANT!
okay. now I can go on. fuck. yeah.
Dropping an f-bomb ought to filter out all the people that are going to judge me. I can just hear it. "you foul mouthed sinner! you oughta be ashamed of yourself."
So cavalier. So bold. Foolish, perhaps, but I'm going to make mistakes no matter how hard I try not to. I'm not going to be judged based on how hard I tried. So...
That is scary. What if I'm wrong?
Okay. Jesus. He makes the wrong right. Dare I claim it? Yep. You better believe I do. I don't care if you think I'm a bastard. He doesn't. He knows me as a brother, and I doubt that Jesus is a bastard.
I love this blog. Some people write little snippets from there lives, updates. Not me. Well, I guess I do, but they are notes from the inner frontier. Maybe that's just my way. I ignore the details of the world passing by around me, opting for the landscape of my heart and mind. I don't doubt that the world around me bears witness to the Creator's truth, but I find it so much easy looking inward.
I want to tell you, whoever you are, who I am.
I am a man.
I am a child.
I am a lover.
I am loved.
I am forgiven.
I am in Jesus.
I am dirty.
I am clean.
I am free.
I am slave.
I am His.
I wonder what kind of people will read this. I wonder what a glimpse into another mind will give them. Will they savor it? Will they spew my thoughts from their minds' in disgust? I hope I offend someone, only so that I know I am speaking truth. I have seen hope and freedom in others and it has disgusted me, it inspired me to destroy the evidence of something I lacked.
Now I stand on the other side of the ring, tasting freedom. The funny thing about it is that I would have expected to be afraid of people treating me like I would have back then, seeking to destroy me, bring me back down to the mud. But I'm not. Freedom is free.
What can they do? No one can touch me. My name is in the book of Life, and I claim it. I think of the people that would think I'm looking down on them. I hear their voices calling from behind. "What gives you the right to think you're better than me? You're not special, you're living some elitist fantasy." To them I respond: what I have I only reached out and received. No man is denied what I have attained. It is there for the taking. He is there for the taking. No one but you is excluding you from this family.
What am I?
I am a man who, first and foremost, possesses the righteousness of Christ. I live free, hoping that He has and does transform my heart to increasing degrees of goodness. He is my standard of self-evaluation, and no other standard defines me. I am accepted under his righteousness, unconditionally, without any stipulation other than the one fulfilled in my claim. Without consideration to human condemnation and oppression, I stand forgiven and free. No man can judge me, because I am already judged and acquitted of all my sin.
Man, life is good.