Art

errrrrrrrk!

I could explode. The inadequacy of my words, my tone, my face, my heart. There is a raging torrent inside me and it is gathering pressure. If my emotional health is an engine, then I am firing on too few cylinders. How does one reconcile functionality and honesty? I lack the wisdom, nay, the capacity to possess the required information to make moral decisions.

A strange trend is developing in my experience. Lately I've found gems of wisdom and truth hidden right under my nose. The Bible is the most obvious of these gems. It's been in ludicrous proximity to me literally my whole life. Another less powerful, but still enjoyable is the Self-Titled Jars of Clay album. My aunt bought it for me in 1995 on a cassette tape. A couple weeks ago I was longing for something comfortable to have a break down to, I put it on my stereo. I heard the lyrics for the first time in the notes I'd heard hundreds of time before. The pain, the beauty and the devotion resonated at long last in my soul.

Things that I have dismissed in my arrogant ignorance have become so valuable with the glorious advent of humility. My greatest capacity for wisdom, creativity, and love come with humility. Oh, Jesus, break me further and further into nothing so that you can be glorified through me. Glorify your servant that you may be exalted.

"Worlds Apart"

I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all ends up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
to give and die

To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tears
Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees

All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart

I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart