Further Up and Further In

I've been noodling for awhile now on the connection between addiction, love, philosophy and God. I remember hearing once that compulsive gambling addicts actually get annoyed when they win. The curiosity of this phenomena worth looking into.

In addiction, ritual becomes a big part of the cycle. For the discussion's sake I would like you broaden your definition of addiction to anything that one does compulsively regardless of it's perceived negative effects; anything from smoking crack to folding socks. In my own experience, the actual pay off of the object in desire is always a let down. The preparation, the anticipation is the real joy. When I arrive at the terminal point of my pursuit I'm inevitably disappointed. In chronic pursuit of addictive pleasure the ritual develops in order to postpone the pay-off and prolong the anticipation and the buildup as long as possible. I think that there are two separate things that happen. The desire and the actual pleasure. What I just realized is that I've also liked the desire better than the actual pleasure. The "getting there" is better than the destination.

I've said earlier that I think desire for God is what we are after when set out to fill ourselves whether we know it or not. How does this fit into what I've just wrote? Well, the disappointment that occurs when we reach the terminal point of pursuit need not occur when we pursue God. The disappointment occurs, I think, because we are seeking the infinite, and all worldly solutions are finite. They end. God does not. If we seek God we can continue to desire Him forever, for we will never reach His end. The letdown never comes.

Thus far what I have said is speculation. It makes sense to me but it may be way off. I'm writing this primarily to hash out my thoughts against the possibility of another person reading them. I'm forcing myself to think at least rationally enough to be presentable. Maybe I'm losing something in doing this, but oh well.

My understanding of things, especially of God, is handicapped by the finite nature of my brain. God is bigger than the rationale of His creation. At the end of the day my approach to Him is (God willing) that of a humble servant. I really know nothing compared to the infinity of God's mind. I pray to keep the humility of that fact near to my heart. It would be easy for me (and I've done this so many times) to think I've got God all figured out and from here it's just "play my cards right". In keeping with what I've come to believe about God, a relationship with Him is the only hope of receiving the Joy-without-end that desire and pursuit of Him promise. I pray I don't fall victim to the hubris of thinking I've got God figured out.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."
2 Corinthians 12:9